So R2 is starting a new sermon series this coming weekend called "The Verge." And it's talking about how in life you sometimes feel you're right on the verge of something great or something life changing but you just can't get past that invisble line you've drawn. But when you allow God to erase that line and help you, you're no longer on the verge.
As part of the creative element we decided to do video interviews of some people in our church who have been at the verge and find out what God did in their life to help them. The creative director wants to interview me.
I've been struggling with what I could talk about. So I decided to talk about how I came to know Jesus as my saviour. I've not shared the entire story with a lot of people cause it was a dark point in my life.
In 1999, I went through a really rough time. I can't remember a lot of it. NO it wasnt drugs or anything like that. Just a lot of emotional stuff. Bailey was only 3 years old at that point. I felt like a total failure at everything. I didn't feel I was a good mother, daughter, sister, friend or anything. I just simply felt I wasn't good at anything.
I was working in a Customer Service call center at the time. I remember going into work one morning, signing in to the system and taking one call. Then I logged out and went to the bathroom with dry heaves. I couldn't stop crying. I called one of my friends and asked if I could come over and talk. She said yeah. I left work and drove to her house. All the way there, I kept praying that a truck would hit me or a car would run me off the road. That way it wouldn't be suicide, but I wouldn't have to continue living anymore. I just simply didn't want to live.
I got to her house...and she didnt even answer the door. I stood there for 30 minutes ringing her door. And of course all these thoughts started just driving into my head. That no one loved me. Here I am on the verge of suicide and even one of my best friends didn't care enough to answer the door. I went up the street to the gas station and used the pay phone. (this is before everyone had a cell)
She answered her phone and apologized. She had fell back asleep. Of course the thoughts started attacking again.
I continued for the next 3 days to head off to work so everything seemed normal to my family. But I'd end up at a friends house crying in their bed. Suicide was heavily on my mind the whole time.
On the 4th day, I came home as if nothing was going on. Checked my email. And in my email was a story that would change my life forever. It was a story written by Joshua Harris called "The Room." (here's the link http://64.13.216.130/the_roomtext.php) The email had been sent by Bailey's godmother who lived just up the street from us. So I called her and asked if I could go with her to church that weekend. That Sunday I honestly gave my life to Christ. I say honestly because I had got "saved" many times as a teenager when the emotions were running mad. But this time, I let Him into my heart and my life.
