I am not and never will be a barbie. I was not made to be like a plastic doll. I was not created to look like everyone else. I was however, fearfully and wonderfully made and His works are wonderful (Psalm 139:14). I am God's masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10).
I have struggled with the way I look every since I can remember. I can honestly say I remember being put on a diet in the 6th grade by my stepmother. I could only have one glass of tea at dinner. One piece of bread at dinner. And oh yeah, I had to take like 12 diet pills before every meal. This was in the 6th grade. I mean come on..my body wasn't even fully developed yet.
I've been sent to a nutrientist when I was in the 7th grade. Weight watchers when I was in the 9th grade. You name it, I've tried it. But the saddest part was that through all of that, through all the heartache of struggling to lose weight so that I'd feel pretty...my parents never once told me I was beautiful just the way I was.
Weight has always been an issue for me. And sadly, I look back and in the 6th grade I was only a size 12. The average woman is a size 14. So I was below average. But the media has put this image out there of what women are supposed to look like. Of what teenage girls are supposed to look like. And we wonder why women struggle with self-image issues. We wonder why a large percentage of teenage girls have some sort of eating disorder.
Guys, I'm sorry but your everyday "normal" girl will not look like what you see in the magazine leaning up against the hot rod of your dreams. Unfortunately, photoshop airbrushing hasn't made it to real life yet.
Now I am trying to modify my eating habits so that I can have a healthier life. If this results in losing weight, awesome. If not, I've got to learn to accept myself the way I am. I AM a beautiful woman of God. I AM fearfully and wonderfully made. I AM God's masterpiece. I AM created in His image. One day, someone will appreciate me JUST THE WAY I AM. Maybe some day that person will be me.
I'm tired of putting my insecurities ahead of everything in this world. I'm tired of not feeling good enough. Not pretty enough. Not skinny enough. I even let it get in the way of my relationship with God...I mean how stupid is that.
So God..right here and right now I give this over to you. I pray that every morning I look in the mirror and I don't see me the way I always see me. That I see me the way you do. The way you created me to be. That with every doubt, with every insecurity, every negative feeling, every negative thought that I beat it down with your promises. With your words.
Father I can't do this alone. And I'm thankfully you have put some wonderful people in my life to help lift me up. And I'm thankful you made me just the way I am.
