relevate students

Last night was our service for Relevate Student Ministries. As we pulled up in the van in front of the building, I was blown away. There were teenagers everywhere. Skating in the parking lot. Shooting pool inside. Hangin out on the front sidewalk. And for a minute, I freaked out. I really started to feel scared and doubting this is where God really wants me.

I mean, come on, God wants to use ME??? Screwed up, crazy, acting like a fool me??? Surely there is someone better qualified to do this than me. I don't want to screw up these kids lives worse than they already are. What if I fail them? What if I say the wrong thing? What if...what if...

But as our student pastor Nick introduced us to everyone...and the kids called out my name. Or what they like to call me...Momma Jenjo. I realized I already have what it takes. Love. Because I may not know every single one of their names yet. I may not know their walk with the Lord yet. But I do know that I love every single one of them as if they were my own child.

My heart breaks every time I look at them. Because I know that what I had to deal with as a teenager is NOTHING compared to what these kids have to deal with. We didn't have "cutters" when I was in school. We didn't have any homosexual teens, that we knew of. We didn't have sex thrown at us from every venue possible; music, tv, movies, commercials, friends, family.

My heart breaks because all they want is be accepted just the way they are. All they want to be loved just the way they are. All they want is for someone, anyone, to pay attention to them and listen.

I'm so thankful that Relevate is a place where they can get all of that. I'm SO blessed to be able to be part of Relevate. And I consider myself lucky to be able to have these awesome teens in my life. I hope I can help them as much as they've helped me.

I love you guys!!!

stupid forward emails

You know what I'm talking about. We all get them. Especially from someone we haven't spoke to in years...sometimes more often than not I delete them. But my Dad has a way of sending some out that can be truly thought provoking. Like todays. It was Five Life Lessons.

I won't go into all of them. They were all excellent points. But the one that made me want to write was lesson #4..the obstacle in our path.

It tells a story of a King who put a huge boulder in the middle of a road. Then watched from a far to see who would try to remove it. Some of his wealthiest merchants came along and simply walked around it. Many blamed the King for not keeping his roads cleared. Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. He set down his load and struggled to move the boulder. Finally he succeeded. And there in the road where the huge boulder had been was a coin purse filled with gold coins. The peasant learned what many of us never do. That every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve ourselves.

If you've been reading my blog over the last few weeks you'll understand why this meant so much to me. Because I have definitely learned that I need to improve myself. And if it hadn't been for this obstacle, I probably would continue to be dependent on my family.

This obstacle in my life is only temporary, but has made a life changing impact on me. I've never been one to budget. Or think ahead. I tend to have lived in the moment. Buying what I want. Not worrying to much about bills. I've made a lot of bad decisions and choices. And unfortunately, this has impacted my family the most. They've helped me out time after time after time. And please don't think for a moment that I'm not grateful for this, because I am truly blessed. My family has helped me out a lot over the years.

And if you're reading this, I am truly sorry for putting you through what I have. And I have finally woke up and realized I need to make some changes in my life to become more independent. By this time next year, you will not see the same little girl who needs to be bailed out time and time again.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you have done, are doing and will do in the future. I love you very much!

Humble Pie

Once again, I had to tell Pastor Jason to get out of my head. That is why I'm completely devoted to the vision and future of Renaissance Road Church.
This past Sunday, Jason discussed the three life lessons he learned from working at Food Lion. The very first one was; Sometimes You Have to Grow Up. Now wasn't that similar to what my last blog talked about. How God was showing me that I needed to grow up...
The second lesson was; A Good Toilet Cleaning Never Hurt Anyone. Basically what he was saying that God will humble us, before he uses us. It's funny, I've always considered myself to be somewhat humble. I've never been one to boast about myself or my talents. I know that I'm nothing without God. Yada yada yada. But I tell you what...I've never been more humble than I have been this last week. Having to rely on others for a ride to and from everywhere...asking for help is very humbling.
The third lesson was; Everyone Wants to Push 21 Grocery Carts. To sum this one up, he was saying that sometime you will be God-contagious. That one day, everyone around you will want what you have. The hope, the love, the grace, the mercy that only comes from Jesus Christ.
I can only hope that through this experience that I can continue to show that it's only my faith in God that helps me endure. That through this experience I become even more humbled so that God can use me in ways I never imagined. That through this experience I glow with the hope of Christ to all around me and they want what I have.
I'm so thankful that God has brought me home to a church where He continues to speak to me. That He uses the most awesome family of Christ followers to lift me up.
Thank you God. And thank you Renaissance Road.
I love you all so dearly. And look forward to working with you all as we grow and dominate the triad.

I don't wanna grow up...

But I have to.

Anyone who knows me pretty much knows that up til now I've not lived up to my potential. It's funny. The other day I came across a file with just my name on it. Curious I opened it. Inside were some of my old report cards. And all I could remember was my teachers all saying, "Jennifer is very bright....she just doesn't apply herself."

I guess you could say that's pretty much been the story of my life. I have big dreams. I want to do so much. But I just never apply myself.

When I first started attending Renaissance Road Church in '08, I was amazed at how the Pastor Jason seemed to know me. Why did I think this? Because every sermon he preached seemed directed at me. The "Beyond" series...totally applied to me. The "M.I.A." series...yep that one too. The "Generation Sex"...well not all of that one did...but at least one got to me. The "Unstoppable" series...yep. The "Breakfree" series...uh huh. I seriously thought this dude had been going through my journals or something. Jason...GET OUT OF MY HEAD..jeez.

It was only just this past week I realized something. I'm not applying myself. Crazy as it may sound, I think I'm scared of success. Because if I succeed, everyone will expect more from me. If I try and I fail, everyone will know it. What if I disappoint everyone? What if I totally suck? What if....what if...what if.

But the biggest what if is....what if I've already missed so much of what God had planned because I didn't apply myself.

A few weeks ago, Jason talked about watches. You're probably thinking...huh? Watches? But seriously he did. He talked about how the Swiss were too scared to take a risk on a new type of watches so they did nothing. And guess who took over the watch industry, the Japanese, and they did it by using the Swiss' idea.

So after my awesome week last week, I've decided a few things. One, I am not defined by my past. Two, I am tired of being scared. I am tired of feeling worthless. I am called to prosper. So with the help of my awesome friend, I've set goals in place. And I am really looking forward to making some tremendous changes in my life in the next 6 months to a year.

I'm going to take the risk.

The more I do it...

If you read my blog in the last week, you know that I was speaking for the first time at Relevate Student Ministry. I was super excited...and super nervous.
I'd been preparing for well of a week. I had started writing it 2-3 times. Knew the scriptures I wanted to use.
Then the week of my sermon...God lays a totally different scripture on my heart. Which hey, it's His message I'm bringing so that's cool. He can do that. I went under a massive attack from the enemy which left me without transportation. But I refused to let that get me down.
So there I was stuck at work on Weds between shifts. Thankfully I had brought my laptops to work with me. Like I said I had started writing 2-3 times. And they were all good. But I knew I couldn't use all of it. So after reading some of it to my best friend, she advised me to just combine them all and then edit. That's what I did. All day at work I kept reading over it trying to prepare and memorize it as much as possible.
Ok..it's time. It's Thursday night...and of course we have a record attendance. Like I'm not nervous enough...lol. Everyone there was totally encouraging. And excited for me.
During my preparation, I had finally gotten it to be right at 15 minutes. Including all the jokes and all that. I felt confident in the message I was bringing. After all, it was something that I personally had struggled with and could speak from the heart on.
There I am....on the stage. Nervous. Anxious. And I totally flew through it. I think I was done in like 5 minutes...ok not really but it sure felt that way.
I feel I did pretty well. Everyone said I did great...but like they'd tell me I sucked. lol. Ok well I'm sure some of them would...(Nick).
But I know this is part of God's plan for me. To speak to and help young girls in their walk with Christ. So I know beyond a shadow of doubt that God will give me what I need to overcome any and all issues that I may encounter. And the more and more I do it (speaking) the better and better I will become.

Joy comes...when?

Lets see. How do I even begin to explain the week I've had? Let alone life. lol.
It's Friday and so far this week..I have no vehicle, no liscense, no cell phone, and now we have no air. And it's hot in here.
BUT I tell ya what. It seems like I should just give up right? I mean why not? I'm pretty sure my family's wrote me off as a loser and a failure years ago. I could sit back and pout. Or even better, stress out about it all.
See what my family doesn't know is that I have hope. I have abundant joy. I'm overflowing with mercy. Definitely not from them, but from my heavenly Father. And not to mention my R2 family. I realize that yeah...my life sucks right now. BUT there are many others out there who are a lot worse off than I. My life could be a lot worse than it is.
It's hard to explain to people who don't trust in God, that joy comes in the morning. It comes in the afternoon. It comes when your truck is being towed away. It comes when your family trashes you.
Why? How can I have joy?
Because I serve a mighty God. And I know His promises never fail me. I know He loves me unconditionally. And even better I know He has a plan for me.
This "life" is so temporary. The downs are only temporary. So the enemy can try all he wants. Throw what he wants at me. But HE IS NOT TAKING MY JOY!

So when does joy come?

All the time!

14 years ago....

Ok so 14 years ago...God blessed me with the sweetest and most precious angel. My daughter Bailey. If I've ever doubted God's love for me all I have to do is look at her. Then I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He must love me an awful lot to give me such an awesome treasure.

Most people would probably have freaked out if they found out they were pregnant at the age of 19. Not I. I was so happy. And I loved her before I ever knew her. I swore to protect her through everything. To love her unconditionally. To accept her...what ever may come.

Everyday I pray to become the type of Godly mother she deserves. To lift her up know matter what failures she endures. To encourage her through the dark times. To love her...no matter what.

When I look at her I can barely begin to imagine how much God loves us. Because however much I love her...He loves us even more. However much I hope for her...He hopes for us even more.

Bailey....you will always be my angel. You save me everyday. You bring so much joy to my life. You delight my heart in a million ways.

I love you doesn't even begin to cover it...but I love you baby!

First ever sermon

Ok so I'm super excited to be speaking for the first time to the Relevate students. I know this is where the Lord wants me, helping and ministering to students.
But can I just say, I'm super nervous also. I have such a burden on my heart for these kids; especially the young girls. I want to speak from the heart. I want them to see and hear how much I care for them. Most important I want them to see and hear the Lord through me. I know and have total faith that God will see me through.
So keep me in prayer next Thursday the 8th. Pray that hearts will be opened. Lives are changed. Give them a deeper thirst for God and His word.