It's Thursday. And for those of you who truly know me, you know that means Relevate. Every week my heart is broken for these teens. I honestly don't remember life being this hard in high school. That could be because I was somewhat sheltered or maybe it's just because things have truly changed.
There are times I just want to love all over these girls and guys. Then there are times I just want to shake them. When I say my heart breaks for them, I don't mean in a poetic way. I mean I truly want to cry and just weep all the time. I see them wanting so desperately to be accepted. I see them just wanting someone to love them. They just want to know someone anyone will step up and fight for them.
And as much as I want to do that. As much as I want to take on all the evils of this world...I can't. It's not my place. Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble, but have faith. I have overcome the world." John 16:33. So no matter how much I wish to make things better for each one of my kids at Relevate...I can't. Jesus already has. We just have to have faith.
It's definitely easier said then done. Trust me...I know. But it makes it so much easier to get through crap and daily life when you have hope. When you have hope because He has already planned it. My favorite scripture (or one of many) is Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to give you hope and a future...."
Just trust in Him. We place trust in people everyday who SOOOOO do NOT deserve our trust. Why not place your trust in God. He won't let you down. He won't fail you. He won't turn His back on you. He won't abandon you. He won't spread rumors about you. He won't abuse you. But He will love you unconditionally.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Last night...was worth it.
So last night was yet another awesome night at Relevate. We're in the middle of a series titled "your life sucks." It seems to be reaching the students...I'm thinking we need to extend it. But anyway, Adam Huntley (our latest graduate at R2) spoke last night. He decided to speak mostly to the guys so asked if I could talk to the girls about staying pure.
This is one of my many many passions when it comes to teen girls. So of course I said yes. I started planning in my head and setting forth a game plan on what to say. Decided to go home and write a mini-sermon. But didn't.
So I basically went right off the cuff. I gave my testimony about having my beautiful daughter at the age of 20. What it was like being pregnant at 19. My past with guys. I really held nothing back. I allowed them to answer questions. Some did some didn't.
Talked to them about porn, the forms of it, the damages it can do, sexting, nude pic messages etc.
When talking to teens about such deep and personal topics, you can get worried. Am I really getting through? Are they tuning me out? And on and on and on.
Then afterwards, a girl came up to me and told me that while I was talking, she received a text message from a guy at school. He was wanting a "pic." I'm assuming she had been doing this already, but she told me that she replied that she was no longer going to do that. That she was a different person now. And just flat out told him no.
My eyes starting tearing up. I hugged her tight and told her she just blessed me mightly. And that it was going to be difficult to change but it was so worth it.
Most of the time, those questions I asked earlier go unanswered. How awesome it was to have immediate response. It made all my scars and past hurts worth it to know that I had made a difference in even one girls life. And all the girls were super excited about the possibility of having a purity prom and making a pledge to remain pure til marriage.
Thank you Jesus for being a God of second chances.
This is one of my many many passions when it comes to teen girls. So of course I said yes. I started planning in my head and setting forth a game plan on what to say. Decided to go home and write a mini-sermon. But didn't.
So I basically went right off the cuff. I gave my testimony about having my beautiful daughter at the age of 20. What it was like being pregnant at 19. My past with guys. I really held nothing back. I allowed them to answer questions. Some did some didn't.
Talked to them about porn, the forms of it, the damages it can do, sexting, nude pic messages etc.
When talking to teens about such deep and personal topics, you can get worried. Am I really getting through? Are they tuning me out? And on and on and on.
Then afterwards, a girl came up to me and told me that while I was talking, she received a text message from a guy at school. He was wanting a "pic." I'm assuming she had been doing this already, but she told me that she replied that she was no longer going to do that. That she was a different person now. And just flat out told him no.
My eyes starting tearing up. I hugged her tight and told her she just blessed me mightly. And that it was going to be difficult to change but it was so worth it.
Most of the time, those questions I asked earlier go unanswered. How awesome it was to have immediate response. It made all my scars and past hurts worth it to know that I had made a difference in even one girls life. And all the girls were super excited about the possibility of having a purity prom and making a pledge to remain pure til marriage.
Thank you Jesus for being a God of second chances.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Friends...
I have the absolute BEST friends. I can't give them all a shout out in this blog, because it would be the never ending blog. But there are a few that I have to say a HUGE thank you to.
First, my pop. Kelley. I feel like we've been friends forever. Its hard to imagine what life was like before we met. You have went completely out of your way to help give me rides to and from. You have always listened to me without judgement or calling me out on my flaws. You always see the good in me. And encourage me. Lift me up. Let me cry when I need to. Let me vent when I need to. I have to say that if I never believed that angels live among us before, I definitely do now. God knew exactly what I needed in a friend and He gave me you. I love you and I thank you so very much.
So many of my friends have completely put their life stresses aside and stepped in to help me in my time of need. The Cox family. Even with struggling and corralling your 3 little children and your hectic lives, you still take the time to bless me with rides. Listen to my drama as if you don't have any yourself. And are simply just there for me. I am so thankful that you allow me to be part of your families lives.
The Meeks'...lol. Courtney and Mark. You guys just rock period. The rides to church on Sunday mornings have never been so entertaining. I'm just sad that it took my current situation to be able to get some good quality time with you both. But I have to say, I'm thankful it did. My appreciation for you guys has grown tremendously.
The Thomas'. Mike, Harriett and Laura. Like the Cox family, you have put your own struggles aside so that you can assist me. Between picking up Bailey from school or getting me to work, I have fallen more in love with your family. I am so looking forward to the day where I can bless you abundantly. Your family acts, assists and reaches out as all church families should.
Christy and John...wow. You both have simply put your trust and your finances in the hands of the Lord in a way that astounds me. I can not begin to express how much and how helpful you two have been this week. I don't think I can say anything more than this...I love you guys very much.
My boss Christie. You rock. Thanks for everything. (I'm not gonna get sappy with you...cause you'll just crack a joke...lol) But you are my sis-boo and I love ya.
God has really used a lot of people in my life to help me and comfort me lately. And again, I can't mention them all but I do want you to know that just because your name isn't in here, doesn't mean I don't appreciate you.
Of course, I can't forget one more important person. My pastor, Jason Goins. Although, I'm mostly spending time with your wife and kids, I just want you to know how much I appreciate you as well. Even if it seems like you're always in my head, I really appreciate you. I'm thankful that you allow me the honor of being with your wife and kids. I'm honored to serve you at church. I'm blessed to be part of Renaissance Road. I can honestly say, without a shadow of doubt or second thinking, that if I hadn't been part of Renaissance Road as I go through this trial, I wouldn't have the strength or the faith to get through it. For that I also need to thank Mrs. Farrah for inviting me that first time. And as Perry Noble said at Newspring...if you scraped it all tomorrow and started over, I'd have your back and be proud to still serve. I'm grateful to have you as not only my pastor...but also to have you as a friend.
Thank you seriously doesn't even begin to express the gratitude I feel for everyone. But thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all that you do.
First, my pop. Kelley. I feel like we've been friends forever. Its hard to imagine what life was like before we met. You have went completely out of your way to help give me rides to and from. You have always listened to me without judgement or calling me out on my flaws. You always see the good in me. And encourage me. Lift me up. Let me cry when I need to. Let me vent when I need to. I have to say that if I never believed that angels live among us before, I definitely do now. God knew exactly what I needed in a friend and He gave me you. I love you and I thank you so very much.
So many of my friends have completely put their life stresses aside and stepped in to help me in my time of need. The Cox family. Even with struggling and corralling your 3 little children and your hectic lives, you still take the time to bless me with rides. Listen to my drama as if you don't have any yourself. And are simply just there for me. I am so thankful that you allow me to be part of your families lives.
The Meeks'...lol. Courtney and Mark. You guys just rock period. The rides to church on Sunday mornings have never been so entertaining. I'm just sad that it took my current situation to be able to get some good quality time with you both. But I have to say, I'm thankful it did. My appreciation for you guys has grown tremendously.
The Thomas'. Mike, Harriett and Laura. Like the Cox family, you have put your own struggles aside so that you can assist me. Between picking up Bailey from school or getting me to work, I have fallen more in love with your family. I am so looking forward to the day where I can bless you abundantly. Your family acts, assists and reaches out as all church families should.
Christy and John...wow. You both have simply put your trust and your finances in the hands of the Lord in a way that astounds me. I can not begin to express how much and how helpful you two have been this week. I don't think I can say anything more than this...I love you guys very much.
My boss Christie. You rock. Thanks for everything. (I'm not gonna get sappy with you...cause you'll just crack a joke...lol) But you are my sis-boo and I love ya.
God has really used a lot of people in my life to help me and comfort me lately. And again, I can't mention them all but I do want you to know that just because your name isn't in here, doesn't mean I don't appreciate you.
Of course, I can't forget one more important person. My pastor, Jason Goins. Although, I'm mostly spending time with your wife and kids, I just want you to know how much I appreciate you as well. Even if it seems like you're always in my head, I really appreciate you. I'm thankful that you allow me the honor of being with your wife and kids. I'm honored to serve you at church. I'm blessed to be part of Renaissance Road. I can honestly say, without a shadow of doubt or second thinking, that if I hadn't been part of Renaissance Road as I go through this trial, I wouldn't have the strength or the faith to get through it. For that I also need to thank Mrs. Farrah for inviting me that first time. And as Perry Noble said at Newspring...if you scraped it all tomorrow and started over, I'd have your back and be proud to still serve. I'm grateful to have you as not only my pastor...but also to have you as a friend.
Thank you seriously doesn't even begin to express the gratitude I feel for everyone. But thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all that you do.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Blooming roses
The last two days I've not been the usual happy Jenjo. I've had more family drama than normal. Of course, it didn't last long. A little screamin, a lot of crying, and then the forgiveness.
But today I'm sitting here in front of the picture window looking out as I wait for my ride to arrive, and I notice our roses have bloomed. Wow that's nothing special you think. But seriously, just days ago they were withered up and dead looking. So mom went out and cut them back. Got rid of all the dead ends. And within days our roses were blooming all over the place.
I can't help but think about the dead and withered bushes in our lives as Christ followers. The addictions. The low self-images. The depression. The attitudes. The friends. The bad habits. Just imagine how beautiful our bushes (lives) would be if we would just trim them back a little.
This must be important, because even God's word talks about this in Romans 11:21, "God didn't think twice about taking the pruning shears to the natural branches, why would he hesitate over you? He wouldn't give it a second thought."
Makes you think. We all definitely have areas we need to prune. We all have those roses that are just waiting to bloom.
But today I'm sitting here in front of the picture window looking out as I wait for my ride to arrive, and I notice our roses have bloomed. Wow that's nothing special you think. But seriously, just days ago they were withered up and dead looking. So mom went out and cut them back. Got rid of all the dead ends. And within days our roses were blooming all over the place.
I can't help but think about the dead and withered bushes in our lives as Christ followers. The addictions. The low self-images. The depression. The attitudes. The friends. The bad habits. Just imagine how beautiful our bushes (lives) would be if we would just trim them back a little.
This must be important, because even God's word talks about this in Romans 11:21, "God didn't think twice about taking the pruning shears to the natural branches, why would he hesitate over you? He wouldn't give it a second thought."
Makes you think. We all definitely have areas we need to prune. We all have those roses that are just waiting to bloom.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Get out of my head...
Ok so he's done it again. Pastor Jason has been in my head. Scary thought I know. But yesterday's sermon hit home with me once again. Ironically it was more the second service that had me wanting to hit my knees, more so than the first. How can this be since both services talk about the same thing? It's all because of a phone call between services.
Do you ever notice that just when you're trying to get life straightened out something ALWAYS comes along and throws it off again? I've really had a wake up call this past month about my life and I'm excited about the changes I'm trying to make to improve myself. I've decided not to stress myself about things because I know things are only temporary. And I know that I'm doing what I can to do what I need to do.
But after my dad called me between services, I felt like the light switch had been flipped off again. Then Kelley started singing From the Inside Out...that first line..."A thousand times I've failed..." And thats how I felt at that moment. Oh great I've screwed something up again. Just one more mark on my nearly full card. Why can't I ever do anything right??? Just once I'd like to get something right.
As she kept singing..."I stumble again. still I'm caught in your grace." I knew that I had to just give it over to God. Yeah I screw up...a lot. But in the grand scheme of things...it doesn't matter. God is still totally in control. He is still on the throne. And HE still loves me..from the inside out. "His light while shine when all else fades." So even in those dark moments, He still shines.
I know that like Jason said yesterday, it's always darkest before the dawn. I know that I'm going through a little darkness right now, but soon my world is going to be so bright. God's brought me through things before and I know He's going to bring me through this.
Do you ever notice that just when you're trying to get life straightened out something ALWAYS comes along and throws it off again? I've really had a wake up call this past month about my life and I'm excited about the changes I'm trying to make to improve myself. I've decided not to stress myself about things because I know things are only temporary. And I know that I'm doing what I can to do what I need to do.
But after my dad called me between services, I felt like the light switch had been flipped off again. Then Kelley started singing From the Inside Out...that first line..."A thousand times I've failed..." And thats how I felt at that moment. Oh great I've screwed something up again. Just one more mark on my nearly full card. Why can't I ever do anything right??? Just once I'd like to get something right.
As she kept singing..."I stumble again. still I'm caught in your grace." I knew that I had to just give it over to God. Yeah I screw up...a lot. But in the grand scheme of things...it doesn't matter. God is still totally in control. He is still on the throne. And HE still loves me..from the inside out. "His light while shine when all else fades." So even in those dark moments, He still shines.
I know that like Jason said yesterday, it's always darkest before the dawn. I know that I'm going through a little darkness right now, but soon my world is going to be so bright. God's brought me through things before and I know He's going to bring me through this.
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