I don't wanna grow up...

But I have to.

Anyone who knows me pretty much knows that up til now I've not lived up to my potential. It's funny. The other day I came across a file with just my name on it. Curious I opened it. Inside were some of my old report cards. And all I could remember was my teachers all saying, "Jennifer is very bright....she just doesn't apply herself."

I guess you could say that's pretty much been the story of my life. I have big dreams. I want to do so much. But I just never apply myself.

When I first started attending Renaissance Road Church in '08, I was amazed at how the Pastor Jason seemed to know me. Why did I think this? Because every sermon he preached seemed directed at me. The "Beyond" series...totally applied to me. The "M.I.A." series...yep that one too. The "Generation Sex"...well not all of that one did...but at least one got to me. The "Unstoppable" series...yep. The "Breakfree" series...uh huh. I seriously thought this dude had been going through my journals or something. Jason...GET OUT OF MY HEAD..jeez.

It was only just this past week I realized something. I'm not applying myself. Crazy as it may sound, I think I'm scared of success. Because if I succeed, everyone will expect more from me. If I try and I fail, everyone will know it. What if I disappoint everyone? What if I totally suck? What if....what if...what if.

But the biggest what if is....what if I've already missed so much of what God had planned because I didn't apply myself.

A few weeks ago, Jason talked about watches. You're probably thinking...huh? Watches? But seriously he did. He talked about how the Swiss were too scared to take a risk on a new type of watches so they did nothing. And guess who took over the watch industry, the Japanese, and they did it by using the Swiss' idea.

So after my awesome week last week, I've decided a few things. One, I am not defined by my past. Two, I am tired of being scared. I am tired of feeling worthless. I am called to prosper. So with the help of my awesome friend, I've set goals in place. And I am really looking forward to making some tremendous changes in my life in the next 6 months to a year.

I'm going to take the risk.